But I never got to play the Cinderellas or fairy princesses when it came to school pantos.
So here is the view from the much maligned side- the view from one of the ugly sisters.
Frankly I think me and the sister get a raw deal.
I mean to say, if it had been me, I wouldn’t have made such a skivvy out of myself.
She could have left home anyway. The Fairy Godmother would have bailed her out anytime. All she ever had to do was whip up a storm and the Good Fairy would have arrived pronto.
But no. She had to string it out. Snivel and moan and lick the ashes. Get the crowd real sorry for her. Ready to lambaste us to any pole.
Did you ever wonder where you’d be without us to act out the shadow side? And all before Jung even got a whiff of it. I mean to say, if she’s not going to act downright mean, then she’s going to attract it to her. Right?
But there she is on her knees in the scullery owning all her goodness.
Instead of learning fast, she acts stupid, eats as much ash as she can stomach, wallows in the stuff.
Me and the sister had a terrible time getting her to the point of spiritual crisis. The girl’s capacity for insult and injury was awesome. Another day of it and I’d have wept with her in the ashes myself. But, thank God, she turned to a little creative visualisation and manifested herself a Godmother.
I was quite enjoying that ball until she turned up doe-eyed, dimple flashing, lid-lowering and whipped PC out from under my nose.
And then the dramatic exit!
As if the universe isn’t bountiful!
I mean do you really believe the fairy would have put a time limit on it?
No, I reckon she got one of her self doubt bouts. Lost confidence, lost face and don’t forget the shoe! Very convenient that.
As for that slipper fitting scene!
Do you really think I wanted to squeeze my G size into that skimpy little excuse for a shoe that had done the rounds of the kingdom. And risk verruca, corns and God knows what?
And then to watch her creep out of the cinders and slip her pygmy footsie into the golden slipper. And then, jack rabbit, out with the other one from beneath her pinnie!!!
It’s all gush and pink flush forever and ever now. As if!
She’ll make a doormat out of herself no matter what. There’ll be a few more shadows to play out. A few more spiritual crises to be had. She hasn’t learnt the lesson yet.
But as for me, I’ve done with them. Make me the fairest of them all next time and let herself do a little shadow acting.