Call it a compulsion if you like
but nearly every time I send an audio message
I replay it.
Just to hear how I sound.
A vanity project? Paranoia?
Me pretending to be Ann or Susan or Joe
listening to the message from me for the first time
trying to catch a hint of whatever in my own voice,
age, ennui, incipient ill health,hysteria,
anxiety, approval, disapproval
or even outright outrage
Thinking that perhaps a text message
may have sufficed
lacking as it does the three dimension
not giving away a damn thing
as in tone, tenor or mood-
Just facts, facts,facts
and an emoji or two thrown in-
though they may provide clues
leading to detection
and maybe even prosecution
and should be handled with protective gloves
and circumspection.
But by then it's too late.
The evidence is recorded,
and while I may still delete,
Ann or Susan or Joe
will ask the inevitable questions
the why,what and wherefore of the case?
So therefore I resolve in the future
to pause my finger on the audio button
conduct an emotional exposure risk analysis
weigh up the pros and cons
and consider the consequences
before I hit send.
Copyright 2023 Cathy Leonard All rights reserved