Deliberation

 Call it a compulsion if you like

but nearly every time I send an audio message

I replay it.

Just to hear how I sound.

A vanity project? Paranoia?

Me pretending to be Ann or Susan or Joe

listening to the message from me for the first time

trying to catch a hint of whatever in my own voice, 

age, ennui, incipient ill health,hysteria,

anxiety, approval, disapproval

or even outright outrage

Thinking that perhaps a text message

may have sufficed

lacking as it does the three dimension

not giving away a damn thing 

as in tone, tenor or mood- 

Just facts, facts,facts 

and an emoji or two thrown in-

though they may provide clues 

leading to detection

and maybe even prosecution

and should be handled with protective gloves

and circumspection.

But by then it's too late.

The evidence is recorded,

and while I may still delete,

Ann or Susan or Joe

will ask the inevitable questions

the why,what and wherefore of the case?

So therefore I resolve in the future 

to pause my finger on the audio button

conduct an emotional exposure risk analysis 

weigh up the pros and cons

and consider the consequences

before I hit send.

Copyright 2023 Cathy Leonard All rights reserved