Sissy McKeown should be banned from driving for life. She damn near finished me off. And as for these new electric vehicles....don't even start me. The bumper is over your backside before you even hear the engine purring. A downright unnatural sound for a car. Give me a roaring exhaust pipe any day...at least you know trouble's a comin' your way.
Well there you have it in a nutshell. Yer one on her way to the butcher's, probably listening to Lyric FM, drives over me without so much as a by-your-leave...and I'm left there writhing on the road, hapless victim of a hit and run. You'd think she would at least have heard the thump and noticed corpulent me upended in her wake. A candidate for Specsavers...?
Emergency services not materialising I drag my poor maimed leg backwards, through the hedge, across the garden and, believe it or not, through the cat flap. All that boy scout pumping iron is paying off. I collapse spent on my bed in a heap.
Mum passing by a few moments later notices nothing untoward. She could do with a spec test too. It's Longfellow, never missing a chance to stroke and provoke me, who alerts the household.
"Hey guys, I think there's something wrong with Sherlock. He's not moving and he's not eating."
A chorus of "Not eating!!!"
It's all state of alarmum after that.
"That cat's costing us a fortune!" This from, well you've guessed, Grumps.
"He's definitely had his nine lives." Cool as you please from Red.
Reassuring to be listening to all this negativity when you've just been run over by an OAP on her weekly fresh chops' shop.
I won't bore you with the medical jargon and procedures that accompany our visit to A& E. Suffice to say there is talk of a possible broken pelvis and ensuing euthanasia and mum is weeping and the vet is shaking her head.
I am visualising the funeral service, Grizabella singing Memory, background score to screenshots of me in my various guises, when the cold liquid is injected into my veins.
When I wake up hours later with my left flank damn near shaved off me and my belly howling for grub I decide there'll be hell to pay for this...
To be continued...
Copyright 2023 Cathy Leonard All rights reserved
So much drama in that cat's life!!
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