Wednesday 6 April 2016

Woks and stuff



 Destiny.Mid calls.
 I love my new ring tone and let it play.
 Caller not in my address book.
 Finally. Reluctantly. I answer.
   “Hi, Jane. It’s Mark. You know, Sarah’s friend?”
   (I don’t, but I think he’s the dork who shadows Sarah’s every move.)
 “Oh, hi, yeh, course, Mark. How are you?”
   “Great, thanks. I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m calling?”
(Put me out of my misery, Mark. Fingers crossed this isn’t about a date. Will kill Sarah.)
   “It’s just that Sarah told me you just got one of those Japanese yokes, and I was  thinking of buying one too. But they’re a bit expensive, so I thought I’d do some research.”
(Research? It only cost about a tenner. Was right about him. Dork!)
 “Oh I get it! A review.Yeh. It’s great.Worth every cent.”
  “ Easily assembled?”
   (!!!!!) “It usually comes assembled, Mark.”
  “ Cool! User friendly?”
   (Is he ticking boxes?)
 “Very. Simple. No snags at all. And adaptable.”
   “Adaptable? Really?”
   ( No box for adaptable.)
“Well, versatile. You can put anything in it.”
 (Like vegetables, chicken, stir fry, fish….food, Mark, food.)
   “You use it for storage???”
   “Storage? Well, actually, now that you mention it. I could. Never thought of that though.”
 (Who the hell stores anything in a wok?)
   “I heard that they’re hard?”
   (Well deuh!!)
 “Very hard.”
   “Isn’t that a problem?”
   “I wouldn’t fancy if it buckled under pressure.”
(You know from heat,Mark, heat!) “Would you?”
   “Oh, I get you!”
 “Go for it, Mark!” (Be reckless.)
  “Doesn’t it take up a lot of space?”
   (He’s got to be kidding!)
 “ Space, no! You can fit it in anywhere.”
    “Sounds cool. I suppose you’ve taken up eating Japanese?”
   “Goes with the territory.”
   “Cool! How much did it cost, Jane, if you don’t mind me asking?”
   “Can’t remember. But Lidl sometimes do them. Or try Tescos.”
   “You bought it in Lidl???”
   “ Actually Aldi.You can buy up market if you like, Mark. But twenty euro max is enough to pay.”
   “Twenty euro for a futon?”
   " Who’s talking about futons? I thought you meant a wok!"
   "A wok? But they're Chinese Jane! Deuh!"
Copyright with Cathy Leonard 2016


1 comment:

  1. And I kept thinking, "should I tell Cathy that woks are Chinese, not Japanese" and "but how do I say it delicately?".
    Love the punchline "Twenty euro for a futon?"